those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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