when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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