Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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