so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
