No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
