I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
