I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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