I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
