I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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