I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
