apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
