I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
