I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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