Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
