I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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