call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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