the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
