After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
