11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
