At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
