The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
