weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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