he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
