If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
