my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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