I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
