So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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