Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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