we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
