Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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