but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
