so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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