im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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