you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
