8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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