she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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