then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
