he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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