I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
