What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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