I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
