Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
