The maid of honor just puked.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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