I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
