I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it was like eating out sand paper
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
