I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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