what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
