oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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