what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
