Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
