We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
